What will you do with your life?

After major surgery as she turned 92, it seemed unlikely my mother would live. To everyone’s surprise, she did. But she had a harder time concentrating on the book she was writing and, eventually, came to accept that she would not be able to finish it.

“What am I still here for?” she asked me more than once. “I was always a doer. I can’t just sit here with no purpose.”

She found her purpose in being deliberately kind. As she told me, “even if it’s just to say hello to someone on the elevator, I can acknowledge the presence of another person. I can give them a little bit of conversation.”

She also enjoyed giving piano lessons and cooking lessons to her caregivers. And, briefly, piano lessons to Erick, a man I was dating. She lived another seven years, to 99.

Last week I wrote about continuing to work hard as I end my seventh decade. I think about my mother now that I’ve reached the stage of life where young people often ask me for advice about what they should do with their lives.

I never give them the quick answer they may be looking for. Instead, I ask them what things excite them. It doesn’t matter what those are, unless of course they are dangerous or illegal. If they get excited describing something to me, going on for more than a few minutes about it, displaying a bit of obsessiveness in describing the minute details of the activity, I know there is at least one thing they could be happy doing.

There may be more than one, of course. I’ve walked through several open doors and gone down some very different pathways over the course of my life. Some people follow one great passion and dedicate their entire lives to it. I am not one of those, and that’s also ok.

The saddest situation, for me, is when a person is desperately determined to follow someone else’s dream. It’s easy to spot a young adult following the wishes of a parent, or the herd mentality of their peer group. (I almost fell into the latter trap by going to law school when I really had no passion for being an attorney.)

Of course, that may just be an unavoidable part of someone’s journey. There is a lot of pressure to “keep up” with one’s contemporaries through one’s 20s. A lot of people don’t really find their true selves until later. Some of us had to have our lives come crashing down first.

Purpose is sometimes seen as this very serious thing, laden with whispers of duty and obligation.

But perhaps it is just to be happy?

I think passion and purpose are the same. They give meaning to life, to a life, but that doesn’t mean we are going to spend eternity in hell if we don’t fulfill all our promise.

We do the best we can, as we can. And, in my experience, my best shot at that is doing something I love and am excited about.

I am around a lot of musicians, pilots, artists and writers. And more than a few people building houses or practicing some trade. And some very successful business people, some of whom are also doing some of those other things I just listed.

For the most part, they are happy. They love what they do. They are successful in a way that is meaningful to them. They don’t want to stop. They aren’t dreaming of going on permanent holiday, they are dreaming of the next project.

My mother was like that. I hope to be the same, even if in the end it is just being kind.

Today, kindness doesn’t seem to be held in very high regard. Cruelty seems both popular and politically successful.

Let us live through this horrible time in our history, to better and kinder times.

During the last month, I completed the following pieces. Lots more are in my head and some are started. I’m not slowing down!