Finding Joy

The past few days I’ve had fun flirting with an extremely fun, bright, beautiful and very sexy guy slightly less than half my age, who started this thing and more than holds his own flirting back.

I can hear the “danger Will Robinson!” warnings already from some of you who know me well. (This boomer reference alone is enough to confirm an unbridgeable age difference, right?)

On the other hand, as one friend said, “if he didn’t like you he wouldn’t flirt with you.” So to be honest I’m flattered. And flirting is one of life’s little joys, much underrated.

The odds of things going beyond flirting are quite small, so I’m going to take my wise therapist’s advice and simply enjoy these moments of joy. And since this is as good as this particular relationship may get, why not enjoy it?!

I see this as part of a slow adjustment to being in a later stage of life. Many of the things I longed for seem as distant as ever, most significantly a significant other.

But I’ve come to appreciate much more what I do have. I’m grateful for the joys around me, the friendships, the love, the acknowledgment of the role I play in the lives of others, my own confidence as a person, an artist, and as a member of my many communities. (And, yes, the joys of flirting without expectations.)

It’s taken a long time to embrace the power of just being myself. Does that make sense to you? For long periods of my life I’ve cowered more than risen, hiding my light under a bushel instead of carrying it confidently into the world.

No doubt this is the long legacy of a childhood that was often confusing and traumatic. Whatever anger I had over that childhood is gone, including my own anger towards myself for the way I handled the consequences of my childhood.

“You did the best you could at the time.” I have said that to many fellow addicts, and have come to understand it’s true of me also. I did the best I could, and now I can do better.

Part of that is simply being aware of the joys of life, including the flirtatious attention of this young man.

A sign of a lighter mood?

My works had gotten pretty dark and heavy over the past months. But some new works may point to better times.

Lighter is the name of my first piece using yellow as a dominant color. There is a deft effortlessness to my work here. I worked quickly, adding a touch of color and geometric shapes that allow the viewer several points of reference and depth.

Mountain Paths is a bit heavier and more complicated, but not much so. I’m feeling in transition, and this feeling of transition seems well-reflected in the painting.

We are all living through the political and social weight of the moment, as the world falls into disorder.

But I also feel the weight of the ongoing and unresolved assault case in Palm Springs; and the weight of an FAA process that will determine whether my heart is sufficiently recovered for me to fly without restrictions.

Out of the past seven years, I have been able to fly freely only two. But I just completed a new aviation medial exam, and it’s in review.

I’m also going to the Cleveland Clinic in coming weeks. If things go as expected, the Clinic will manage my aeromedical cardiac issues in place of a local practice in which I have lost confidence.

Fun times

This is another work of art in a more playful spirit.

I wanted to create a maximum of depth and contrast, in fun colors. It’s called Jason’s Pick, because I was struggling to determine which of the four sides should be on top.

So Jason Hackenwerth, the genius behind Sixstar Art Studios, simply walked over, rotated it a quarter turn, and said “it’s done.”

It was.

Back to Politics?

My friend Gabriel Hament is running for City Council in St. Petersburg, and I’ve been helping him. We recently spent a day videoing for his upcoming campaign commercials, including segments with artists and at Albert Whitted Airport.

I’ve also gotten involved in a race for a new Congressional seat, Florida’s District 16, a modern-day version of the seat I ran in 34 years ago. Ironically, both I and the Republican who defeated me 34 years ago, Dan Miller, have both endorsed former Sarasota Mayor Kelly Kirschner, a Democrat.

I’m also doing what I can for former Florida Governor Charlies Christ, who seems likely to become the new Mayor of St. Petersburg. It’s been a joy working with him and his staff, who like Governor Christ himself are very courteous and responsive.

I was describing all this to an old DC friend a couple of nights ago, and he said, simply, “You’re loving this.” And he’s right.

It’s been a long time, since before I left the Clinton Administration, that I’ve been this personally involved in a political season. I’m no longer looking to run for anything, but it’s gratifying to know I still have something to give and have a voice that may have some influence or some ideas that may be helpful.

It’s the time to give back, and there is joy in that.

About Rand Snell: Rand Snell is a St. Petersburg, Florida, abstract and collage artist whose colorful, dynamic work explores personal journeys, recovery, healing, and transformation.