My therapist recently reminded me that the Merriam-Webster 2023 Word of the Year is Authentic. That’s a good word, as we move into an era of AI and Deep Fakes, of chosen facts and anti-intellectualism.
It’s what I’ve tried to be, in my art and writing, in a year when almost nothing has gone as I planned or wished.
My Buddhist mentor says that some days we thrive, and others we survive. And this has mostly been a survive year, not a thrive year. But I spent Thanksgiving grateful for life, for friends, for the opportunities to be of service, for resilience, for love. I am grateful for the opportunities this difficult year continues to bring.
The past few weeks I’ve created a lot, five new pieces, even as I continue to heal and await trial of the predator who assaulted me in late January. He assaulted others and remains in jail. But since his arrest I have received 17 threatening communications from someone acting on his behalf, seeking to discourage my testimony. The last was November 22.
No way. If the case goes to trial, I will be there.
Several preliminary hearings have been postponed. It will be good when a trial date is set; until the trial is behind me I am living in limbo, wondering when I can fully move on.
Collage Art: Quantum Leap
Irregular pieces of sky provide the backdrop for an angled, sliced and separated (or strobed) view of pre-dawn Tampa Bay. The sun is still hidden, but energy is bursting from where it will soon emerge, with all the promise that every new day offers.
I think art tells a story of the inner life. We share many of those stories in common, the ones that live in our mythology across time and cultures. A central myth is the quest, a battle with an implacable foe, a journey that ends with a transformation into one’s authentic self. Recovering from addiction is that very thing for many of us, and for me. It is the central challenge of my life.
Recovery from assault might be another.
Big changes, quantum changes, are hard. They come out of great emotional challenge and pain. But those testing times offer the greatest potential for growth, don’t they? Growth isn’t guaranteed; old habits are ingrained and comforting, no matter how maladaptive. But the opportunity is there, if one has the courage to sit with discomfort and move through it, not run back.
Things will never be as they were. But they can be ok.
Collage Art: Hope
A dear friend suffered a relapse several weeks back, going missing for several days after several months during which we spoke once or twice daily.
Over those long days I created this piece, for him and for me. I pondered if I could continue such a close friendship. Could I withstand the emotional pain and potential destabilization that being close to someone struggling might bring to me? Could I remain his present friend, or must I become his distant friend, wishing him well but cutting off or limiting contact?
What was actually the best way to be his friend?
I have had friends cut me off, even following the January drugging and assault in Palm Springs. They weren’t very nice about it. I know what that feels like, and know it does’t help the person suffering.
If I ever again have to end contact with someone I care about, I hope I would do it with kindness and love. And I decided that this was not the time to cut off a friend who was in great pain.
Everyone has their own path to learning and healing. I hold out hope for him and all who suffer addictions, which I believe are a response to deep trauma. I hold hope they can heal, come to love themselves, and receive the love of others.
If there is life, there is hope.
Abstract Art: Bits of Sky
I intended to layer slices of a large print over an interesting background, but after a couple of days building up the background, I realized the piece was done. The name is literal: I’m often taking pictures of the sky, photographing from the ground and the air. This piece uses bits from many of these, chosen and arranged for their color and pattern.
My mother used to love looking at pieces like this. She allowed her imagination to stitch together images out of the patterns, and would ask me if she was right. I always told her she was, if she could see it. There is a subtle pattern of material arranged around an amorphous center. Bits of an ever-changing sky.
Contemporary Art: Visions
I love triangles, and I especially love to layer them in patterns that create a feeling of dimension and depth. With this piece I used some of the same material as in Bits of Sky, but the effect is quite different.
It again took several days to layer this piece, using acrylic medium with semi-gloss and matt varnish as I experimented with different effects. Suddenly, no more needed to be added. It was done.
Geometric Art: Bender
Here I continued to experiment with vivid colored lines on white background, complemented with black and more subtle lines of different widths. These are a current manifestation of patterns I drew in early life, doodles of a lifetime now.
I’m drawn to the sense of dimension and movement created by these patterns of lines. Judging by the response when I post them to social media, others are as well.
Reflections and Thanks
Thanks to everyone who has offered encouragement and support during 2023. The opposite of addiction is connection, and I am fortunate to have deep, meaningful connections with people in many different circles. I’m grateful for my friends in recovery, my flying friends, my art and music friends, my German and Spanish language friends, my old school friends, and my remaining family. You are all over the world, and I hope to see more of you in person in the coming year. It’s time to get back out there.
